Why You Feel Isolated Living in Japan | Language & Culture Explained

“Even though I have been living in Japan for a while, I still cannot fit into Japanese society and feel lonely.”

Even if you feel that you can get by pretty well with the language, you may somehow still feel a distance from Japanese people and become anxious. “Maybe my Japanese isn’t good enough yet? Maybe Japanese people just don’t like me? Maybe I will never be accepted in Japan”

In this article, we will explain that the reason foreigners struggle to fit into Japan is not only a lack of Japanese language ability, and why Japanese society can feel “difficult to fit into” for foreigners.

We will also explain the often-overlooked idea of “Japanese that can truly be used” in Japanese language education and the perspective that what is needed to adapt to life in Japan is Japanese × cultural understanding.

The reason you cannot fit into Japan is not only a lack of Japanese ability

The reason you cannot fit into Japan may not be only a lack of Japanese ability.

In fact, even people who have obtained JLPT N2 or N1 level can feel isolated while living in Japan, so it cannot be said that “studying more Japanese will solve the problem.”

If you are currently feeling that you are not blending into Japanese society, it may be related more to “understanding Japanese culture and history” than to vocabulary or grammar.

If you deepen your understanding of the culture and history that Japanese people hold dear—building on the language study you’ve already pursued—you’ll begin to grasp their way of thinking at a deeper level and feel a stronger connection to Japanese society.

Why Japanese society is often felt to be “difficult to fit into”

To begin with, why does Japanese society tend to feel “difficult to fit into”?

In this section, we will introduce two characteristics of Japanese society that are not widely known even among foreigners living in Japan.

A culture that values “wa” and the abundance of unspoken rules

In Japan, the spirit of “wa,” which values harmony and balance in building comfortable relationships, is deeply rooted, and maintaining this “wa” is of the utmost importance.

An example of how Japanese people preserve the  “wa” is the uniquely Japanese communication style of “reading the air,” in which people infer others’ feelings from the situation and atmosphere and act with consideration.

Beginning with “reading the air,” the spirit of “wa” includes many rules that are not explicitly written.

Japanese society developed within a historically homogeneous cultural framework, where people share a dense and highly nuanced network of social expectations and values. As a result, many norms go unspoken, making it particularly difficult for foreigners to infer what is assumed or required.

Misunderstandings created by assumptions that even Japanese people are unaware of

Have you ever felt, during a conversation with a Japanese person, that “they didn’t explain enough” or “their explanation was too vague”?

In reality, at moments like this, the Japanese speaker often unconsciously assumes that “it doesn’t need to be explained” — even though there is no ill intent whatsoever.

From childhood, Japanese people naturally acquire a communication style that heavily utilizes non-verbal nuances, in which people infer each other’s feelings and situations without explaining everything.

As a result, in conversations with foreigners, an unspoken barrier can arise for Japanese people — a quiet sense of “Why don’t you understand?” — leading to misunderstandings on both sides.

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Why You May Understand Japanese but Still Feel “You Don’t Understand the Meaning”

There are three reasons why foreigners may understand Japanese but still feel that “they don’t understand the meaning.”

1. The Japanese language’s tolerance for ambiguity
2. A barrier to understanding Japanese that cannot be explained by “honne and tatemae” alone
3. Differences in values regarding self-assertion that create misunderstandings in relationships

Here, we will explain these three points.

The Japanese language’s tolerance for ambiguity

Japanese has characteristics that allow ambiguity, such as omitting the subject and avoiding definitive statements.

For this reason, even if you understand the meaning of each word, it is common to feel “I can’t understand what the other person wants to say.”

Furthermore, Japanese tends to favor indirect expressions such as “If another opportunity arises,” rather than clearly stating one’s intentions, which makes it a language where the speaker’s true meaning can be difficult to interpret.

This tendency not to state things explicitly is rooted in Japan’s cultural emphasis on harmony (“wa”) and consideration for others, particularly the desire to avoid placing emotional or social burden on someone. Therefore, the absence of clear wording should not be mistaken for unkindness or a lack of sincerity.

A barrier to understanding Japanese that cannot be explained by “honne and tatemae” alone

Some people may feel that “Japanese is difficult to understand because of the culture of honne and tatemae.”

However, reducing Japanese communication to a simple contrast between one’s “true feelings” (honne) and a “public facade” (tatemae) may be an oversimplification.

Japanese is used with an underlying awareness of avoiding conflict and preventing emotional harm, and its meaning often shifts depending on the relationship and the level of closeness between speakers.

For example, imagine someone says, “I really enjoyed that movie I saw recently.”

If the response is, “That movie does sound interesting.”, the meaning can vary depending on context.

If the speakers are very close, this response likely expresses genuine interest.

But if it is said to a superior at work, it may instead reflect polite agreement — even if the speaker is not actually interested — out of consideration for the relationship and hierarchy.

In this way, the difficulty of understanding Japanese cannot be explained by honne and tatemae alone. Even when you understand the words themselves, you may still feel that “you understand the language, but not the meaning.”

Differences in values about self-assertion create relationship misunderstandings

In many countries, the value system is:
“Expressing your opinion = honesty and sincerity,” and
“Ambiguity = distrust.”

In Japan, however, the value system is:
“Not saying something = consideration for others,” and
“Reading the air = protecting relationships and being thoughtful.”

This does not mean one is right and the other is wrong; they’re just emphasizing different parts of being human. 

Because Japanese people and foreigners have different assumptions about self-assertion, misunderstandings in relationships are likely to occur.

The Thought Structure of Japanese People Reflected in Japanese Expressions

Japanese expressions reflect the thought structure of Japanese people.

For example, expressions such as “It has been decided that we will…” and “It may be difficult” are ways of speaking that are unique to Japanese, where the subject is intentionally blurred.

Such ambiguous expressions may appear to be avoiding responsibility, but in fact they reflect a uniquely Japanese way of thinking that aims to reduce friction and maintain relationships with others, not avoiding responsibility. In fact, Japanese culture heavily emphasizes hard work, determination, and a sense of responsibility towards others, which has led to much of Japan’s success throughout history. 

Because language and culture cannot be separated, understanding Japanese can be said to mean understanding how Japanese people think.

“Practical Japanese” Often Overlooked in Japanese Language Education

Even if you have worked hard to continue studying Japanese, if you still feel that you cannot adapt to life in Japan, it may be because you have not yet mastered practical Japanese.

Here, we will introduce two important points for acquiring practical Japanese that is often overlooked in Japanese language education.

The Structural Limitations of purely Grammar-Vocabulary Focused Japanese Education

In general Japanese language education, the focus tends to be on grammar, workbooks, vocabulary, and test preparation in order to improve skills that can be measured by exams.

However, when actually using the language, contextual understanding, awareness of one’s relationship with the other person, and sound judgment are all required. As a result, a grammar- and vocabulary-centered approach to Japanese education can create a gap between what is taught and the kind of Japanese that can truly be used in real life.

If you feel that you cannot integrate into Japanese society despite studying Japanese, the issue may not be a lack of effort on the learner’s part, but rather a gap between the goals of Japanese education and real-life usage.

Why Japanese Must Be Learned Together with Cultural Understanding

The reason Japanese must be learned together with cultural understanding is that it is a language designed based on relationships and social roles.

In Japanese, how and to whom you speak often matters more than the words themselves.

Even if your Japanese is grammatically correct, without understanding these uniquely Japanese cultural aspects, your communication may still feel unnatural, out of place, or even flat out rude.

By developing not only language skills such as grammar but also cultural understanding, you can finally use Japanese in a truly practical way.

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What You Need to Adapt to Life in Japan: The Perspective of “Japanese × Cultural Understanding”

If you are currently struggling to adapt to life in Japan, what you need is “Japanese × cultural understanding.”

Here, we will explain in more detail the importance of combining Japanese language learning with cultural understanding.

Relationships with Japanese People Become Easier When You Understand the Cultural Background

This is so incredibly important, I cannot stress it enough. By understanding Japan’s cultural background, you will not only be able to communicate with Japanese people much more comfortably than before, but will also gain the ability to form truly deep and meaningful connections with Japanese people. 

If you understand the background and traditions of Japan based on the spirit of “wa” (harmony), you will gain the reassurance of knowing how to behave toward Japanese people, which will lead to improved communication skills.

To deepen communication with Japanese people through understanding Japan’s cultural background, the fastest way is to find a very capable native teacher who deeply understands the connections between Japanese culture, history, and language.

Learning Culture Means Learning Relationships with Japanese People

Never forget this; Learning Japanese culture means learning how to build relationships with Japanese people.

By understanding uniquely Japanese cultural aspects such as how to invite and decline, backchannel responses, provide comfortable silence, show high level respect towards others, practice deep thoughtfulness, and create comfortable interpersonal distance, you can develop empathy toward Japanese people.

As a result, you will better understand Japanese values and ways of conveying intentions, which can help you choose appropriate words and build deeper relationships of trust.

Oku Sensei’s Japanese Philosophy on Learning Japanese

At Oku Sensei’s Japanese, we teach Japanese based on the following principles:

• We do not separate language learning from cultural understanding.
  
• We carefully explain “why Japanese people say things the way they do” through Japanese culture and history.

In general Japanese education, cultural understanding is often treated separately. However, to learn a living language and natural Japanese, cultural understanding is essential.

By carefully explaining Japanese through its culture and history, students can not only gain a deeper understanding of Japanese people, but also begin to enjoy learning and feel motivated to learn more about Japan.

The Discomfort You’ve Felt About Not Fitting In Was Not Wrong

The discomfort you have felt about “not fitting into Japan” was not wrong. This feeling that has been lingering in the back of your mind IS REAL. 

Because the cultural backgrounds of Japan and other countries are different, it is very natural to feel troubled by the thought, “Even though I live in Japan, I can’t seem to blend in.”

Even if you have felt a psychological distance from Japanese people, this does not mean that your Japanese ability—built through your hard work—or your personality is the problem.

It simply means that you did not know that cultural understanding is necessary alongside learning Japanese. 

For Those Struggling with Isolation in Japan or Learning Japanese

If you are struggling with isolation in Japan or learning Japanese, try not to carry the burden alone—consider talking to someone about it.

If you are unsure who to talk to, why not share your concerns through the free consultation at Oku Sensei’s Japanese?

At Oku Sensei’s Japanese, we carefully support each individual who reaches out to us, with the goal of helping bring happiness to as many people as possible.